85

She would have been 85 tomorrow.

I say "would have" because

she passed away 

a few months 

ago.

She was an adventurer.

Always seeking fun.

Never needing or desiring anyone to do anything for her.

She did for herself...

what she wanted...

when she wanted.

She was a planner.

Every detail

of every event...

planned...

seamlessly.

She was a seamstress.

Each seam sewed to perfection.

She taught me how to sew..

and how to inspect store bought clothes for quality seams.

She called me honey girl.

I don't know why,

but I loved it.

She and I adopted each other.

She had lost her husband,

I had lost my grandma.

She loved that I had pierced 7 holes in my ears,

I adored that she accepted me for who I was.

We were like minds.

She wrote me letters...
lots of letters.
We were pen pals when I lived in Hawai'i.
Receiving her letters was a slice of home...
...a hug
...a cinnamon roll fresh from her oven
...a smile like none other.
I could ask her anything.
Advice on cooking,
sewing,
marriage,
LIFE!
And I knew the answer would be a few short weeks away,
in her response letter.

She passed away a few months ago in a roll-over car accident caused by a popped tire.

I've been

angry,

frustrated,

sentimental,

sad.

I struggle between reasonings:

1- It's not fair that she was taken from me so early...

she still had SO MUCH LIFE to live.

2- At least she was taken before old age had a chance to consume her...

she would never have been okay with being trapped in a body/mind that was failing her.

3- At least she died doing what she loved...

adventuring out on her own.

She would have been 85 tomorrow.

Tomorrow I will CELEBRATE her...

and I will meditate on how I can carry on her legacy...

 for there is no reason to continue in sadness.

She was in my life for a reason,

and if a model for my future ever existed,

it was her.

I love you forever, Grandma Dee.

Aloha,

Honey Girl