aloha every day

aloha every day

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Why, oh why, must I blog?

It seems years since I’ve blogged last.  There have been many moments of inspiration which I have wanted to blog about, but the constructs of free-time vs. work time, coupled with no internet access at home has kept these inspiring moments in my head instead of on my blog.  

Yesterday, we regained internet access at home.  After a 6 hour long ordeal with a technician, we are back “online.”  Great for my blogging health, but questionable for my overall health.  In our 6 months or so without internet access, we have found other activities to fill our time: Exercising, cooking, and of course, watching T.V.  Quite honestly, 90% of the time I haven’t missed instant access to “that dot com thing” (as my Nanny used to say).  I’ve never entirely warmed to the idea of being accessible, searchable, trackable, global on an interpersonal level.  My nature is more introverted than extroverted…a.k.a. I like being a “loner.”  I like being by myself, and there lacks a sense of privacy when constantly connected “online.” 

Why, then, do I enjoy blogging? When I lived in Hawai’i (I remain baffled by that “when”) I was disconnected from my family and friends on an every-day personal level.  I can’t say that I didn’t want that.  I moved there to find out who I am, to test the boundaries of trust and self-assurance that are often overlooked when surrounded by familiarity.  I became weary of contentment and seeming complacency in my life.  I wanted to live.  To really live within my body by discovering the ways of life that really mattered, and differentiating between awareness and parallel-living…you know the type, “going through the motions.”  I didn’t want to believe in anything that I hadn’t researched and tested for truth.  I didn’t want to listen to music just because someone else said it was good.  I didn’t want to follow a path that someone else said might be good for me.  I wanted to know myself; to really, truly know my soul and then to live by that knowledge.

 Okay, I’m sharing all of this because as I lived on a island in search of my soul, I found that I sincerely missed the people whose relationships with me fed my soul.  And so I started my blog as a portal to my daily life for those who were truly interested.  Originally titled “Living la Vida Hawai’i,” I’ve been sharing my thoughts and goings-on for close to 6 years now!  Throughout the years, this space has transformed from a simple picture sharing travelogue, to a blend of my outward and inward life.    

Although I’ve struggled with posting my personal life online, especially now that I live closer to those I love (hence the change in blog title), I feel a creative commitment to myself to continue logging my life in this way.  Who knows? Maybe my future children will enjoy reading about mom’s life one day.  So I close by saying, “Thank you ‘dot-com thing’.  For you’ve allowed me access to an expressive release for which I hadn’t yet found a home.”