aloha every day

aloha every day

Monday, February 21, 2011

...and so I breathe

12:10 a.m.
Can't sleep

It's rare that I see this hour...
I really enjoy my sleep now.
I didn't always...
I used to say that sleep was 'overrated'
Now, I can't get enough of it.

Anyway, sleeplessness lends itself to blogginess quite nicely, so here I am to reflect.

Went to the beach today.
I don't get there enough.
I live in Hawai'i.
I work at a school that is seconds from the beach.
What is my problem?
I have too much going all times, but...
what is new?
I've always been that way.

Today, I realized that I am tired of being that way.
Living in such a busy lifestyle makes it very difficult to let go in the times that I can kick back...
like today...
note, 12:13 a.m.
Went whale watching today, too.  Hiked up to a tall cliff and watched as whales breached like crazy for an hour or so.
(The beach on the right is where we relaxed today, and the bump in the middle is where we climbed to watch can click on the photo to make it bigger)
It was amazing, and I just yearned for the simplicity that should accompany a lifestyle on a small island.
no matter where I am, 
if I can't get rid of my anxieties,
my carefree sense of wonder will forever be plagued by worry.

You know what?
I'm TIRED of worrying.
I'm TIRED of clenching my jaw.
I'm TIRED of having to work too hard to calm myself down.

Anxiety attacks and a jaw that clicks when I open my mouth...
and I'm not yet 30.

It is my job, and my job only to turn this around.
And so I pray.

A pastor once told me, "Worry is like a rocking horse.  You go back and forth, but you never get anywhere."

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