It seems years since I’ve blogged last. There have been many moments of inspiration
which I have wanted to blog about, but the constructs of free-time vs. work
time, coupled with no internet access at home has kept these inspiring moments
in my head instead of on my blog.
Yesterday, we regained internet access at home. After a 6 hour long ordeal with a technician,
we are back “online.” Great for my
blogging health, but questionable for my overall health. In our 6 months or so without internet
access, we have found other activities to fill our time: Exercising, cooking,
and of course, watching T.V. Quite
honestly, 90% of the time I haven’t missed instant access to “that dot com
thing” (as my Nanny used to say). I’ve
never entirely warmed to the idea of being accessible, searchable, trackable,
global on an interpersonal level. My
nature is more introverted than extroverted…a.k.a. I like being a “loner.” I like being by myself, and there lacks a
sense of privacy when constantly connected “online.”
Why, then, do I enjoy blogging? When I lived in Hawai’i (I
remain baffled by that “when”) I was disconnected from my family and friends on
an every-day personal level. I can’t say
that I didn’t want that. I moved there
to find out who I am, to test the boundaries of trust and self-assurance that are often overlooked when surrounded by
familiarity. I became weary of
contentment and seeming complacency in my life.
I wanted to live. To really live
within my body by discovering the ways of life that really mattered, and
differentiating between awareness and parallel-living…you know the type, “going
through the motions.” I didn’t want to
believe in anything that I hadn’t researched and tested for truth. I didn’t want to listen to music just because
someone else said it was good. I didn’t
want to follow a path that someone else said might be good for me. I wanted to know myself; to really, truly
know my soul and then to live by that knowledge.
Okay, I’m sharing all
of this because as I lived on a island in search of my soul, I found that I
sincerely missed the people whose relationships with me fed my soul. And so I started my blog as a portal to my
daily life for those who were truly interested.
Originally titled “Living la Vida Hawai’i,” I’ve been sharing my
thoughts and goings-on for close to 6 years now! Throughout the years, this space has
transformed from a simple picture sharing travelogue, to a blend of my outward
and inward life.
Although I’ve struggled with posting my
personal life online, especially now that I live closer to those I love (hence
the change in blog title), I feel a creative commitment to myself to continue
logging my life in this way. Who knows?
Maybe my future children will enjoy reading about mom’s life one day. So I close by saying, “Thank you ‘dot-com
thing’. For you’ve allowed me access to
an expressive release for which I hadn’t yet found a home.”
aloha.
